


M.S. Cousland and Company

by Deidre Jubliee (Agth)



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Mary Sue, Multi, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agth/pseuds/Deidre%20Jubliee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a ruthlessly perfect Mary Sue has been unleashed on the world of Dragon Age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	M.S. Cousland and Company

**"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice."**

_A blinding light shot up from the top of Fort Drakon, bathing the battle below in a sharp, white light. The haggard soldiers let out a resounding cry of triumph. This was the signal they were waiting for. The Grey Wardens had defeated the Archdemon and the darkspawn began to hastily retreat, suddenly lacking without the driving force of their general. The remaining forces began to drive the cursed creatures out of Denerim and into the fresh auxiliary troops' waiting arms. Ferelden would be safe once more._

_Little did they know that not all of the Grey Wardens survived their final encounter. Two Wardens lay dead, sacrificed to slay the Archdemon: Riordan and one of the new recruits. But this did not weigh heavily on anyone's mind. In fact, had the people known exactly what that recruit had been, there would have been even more cause to celebrate._

_Fortunately, the people of Thedas did not know how close they came to complete and total destruction – not only from the Fifth Blight, but from that thankfully dead recruit, whose corpse lay abandoned on the top of Fort Drakon._

_She called herself Marianne Suzette Cousland – Mary to her "friends" – but that was not her true name nor was she in her true form. This recruit was a creature, a monster even more dangerous than the dragons of old. What she hid behind her human form could rip the fabric of the universe in two. She had the power to control even the strongest willed man, defeat even the deadliest army, and "redeem" even the cruelest creatures._

_And yet, she kept these powers to herself. Instead of changing the world for the better, she twisted the Maker's creation beyond even own His recognition and used her powers for her own selfish, petty aims. Had she not died at the Archdemon's hand, her power would only grow until she became an unstoppable force, wrecking havoc and despair across Thedas without remorse or mercy._

_She was the true threat to Ferelden and, yet, she thought herself a "hero". This was a small mercy, but her delusions kept her from going on a brutal warpath. As long as she was "The Warden", the world was safe, for the moment. As long as her dark creator remained ignorant, she could not realize her full, terrifying potential. As long as the true Grey Wardens stood, she would be stopped._

\----------

It was a dark and stormy night, so much so that the phrase became instantly cliché as all of the aspiring scribes scribbled it down in an attempt to accurately describe it. It was a night of miracles, a night of tragedies, and – on an unrelated note – a night of two-for-one ales down at Highever's own Sloppy Spigot. That night, Marianne Suzette Cousland was born, and the world was forever changed.

Her birth was a surprise to almost everyone. The warning signs of pregnancy had been almost entirely skipped over. One minute, the Teryn of Highever's wife – Eleanor Cousland – was polishing off the family armor, and the next, she was heavy with child, disregarding all of the normal hormonal and physical changes that happened during pregnancy. The king sent several mages from the Circle to diagnose the cause of her "predicament", but they couldn't find anything particularly suspicious, magical or otherwise.

Over the next few weeks, Lady Cousland went under…strange changes, all symptoms of her mysterious pregnancy. Her breath began to smell of powdered sugar, her skin began to unnaturally shine and sparkle, her eyes changed color at the slightest provocation, and, although she would never admit it, her "private emissions" were suspiciously reminiscent of a rainbow. Whatever thing she was carrying in her womb was not human – that was sure.

Teryn Cousland was in the main hall when the midwife called him. He hadn't heard the pained screams of labor as he did when his son, Fergus, was born, nor did the midwife summon any of her apprentices to help with the birthing.

He frantically rushed up the stone steps to the birthing chamber. He heard a scream. In a panic, he flung open the door. The midwife was trembling, her pale face drawn back in shock. His wife was still on the birthing stool, turned away from him.

"The child…," Teryn Cousland said, his voice hoarse and cracking, "Is the child alright…?"

The midwife shuddered, turned her dull eyes up to his, and whispered, "The child is…alive. Your…your…wife had no need for my services. The child…it…"

She pointed at Eleanor Cousland and shook her head, "I have seen so many births, my lord. I have delivered many of the Maker's children into this world, and I have seen many more slip back into the Fade. But…this child…there is nothing of the Maker in it… It is…it is…unholy. Please, my lord… Please…"

Teryn Cousland moved towards his wife warily.

"Were the mages wrong?" he thought, "Had a demon possessed my wife and unborn child? Was that what the midwife meant?"

He touched her shoulder, and she flinched. He caught end of something she muttered.

"…Hair…"

Teryn Cousland moved in front of her and caught sight of it. He gasped and felt his knees go weak, struggling to stay upright.

Eleanor Cousland held her newborn child in her arms, but she was occupied with something else.

"The child has hair… Such strange, long hair… Such strange, long hair…"

The child cooed in her arms, a long mane of golden hair with multicolored streaks trailing onto the ground. It had large purple eyes with heart shaped pupils. The child, although it had just barely been born, was not red, squalling, or the proper size for a newborn. Instead, its skin was purest lily white without a speck of blood or afterbirth, and it appeared to be about six months old.

Its eyes locked onto the Teryn's, and he felt an irrational surge of fear. There was something in those eyes that said, "I can do anything that I want, and you are powerless to stop me." The midwife was right; there was nothing of the Maker in this babe.

After a moment or two, he regained his composure. He turned to the midwife and said, "Send a message out to the Grey Wardens. The child…the child…is a Sue."

\-------------------

Deep within the Anderfels, the Wardens of Weisshaupt Fortress were in turmoil. They had just received the teryn's message, about six months after his child's birth. While they had not yet sent anyone to confirm that this was indeed a Sue sighting, they knew that this was not to be taken lightly.

Grey Warden lore told of the many warning signs of a Blight: increased sightings of Darkspawn on the surface, an unnatural amount of Callings, or localized "earthquakes" caused by underground Archdemon activity. These signs were normally seen anywhere from a year to two years in advance of any serious attack, generally giving the Wardens some time to prepare.

However, the birth of a Sue suggested that not only was there going to be a Blight in the next fifteen to twenty years, but that this was going to be a particularly difficult Blight to combat. A Sue, according to legend, was a creature of unimaginable power that took the shape of an attractive young woman, usually from the ages of fifteen to twenty. However, the creature only took on human/elven/dwarven guise to trick mortals into doing its bidding. In reality, it was the creation of a twisted god who created the Sue to interact personally with the world. As such, the Sue often took on the idealized appearance of its creator, and served as a puppet for the god to play with. They were dangerous and cruel, focusing only on their own perverse goals, and were known to force weak-minded men into bending to their every whim.

The birth of a Sue had only happened once before, during the Third Blight, and had led to much heavier Darkspawn attacks than had been recorded during the previous two Blights. Fortunately, the Sue was neutralized soon after the defeat of the Archdemon, destroying all remaining obstacles to the rebuilding of Thedas.

If the teryn's story was true, then there would be another Blight in the foreseeable future, and it could easily engulf the entire world.


End file.
